Open season for headhunting Yahoos

None of my resumes floating around on the internet have my current job listed because I get enough calls and emails (mostly from Minneapolis, but some from the SF Bay Area) from recruiters attempting to help me find a job.

Here’s an email my coworker received that I thought I’d translate. I removed the name of my coworker and the firm who wrote the email. I really don’t want backlash from them, since they harass me enough as it is.

Hi [Name removed],

Since you’ve communicated with [Company name removed] in the past, I wanted to touch base and get caught up with you on your potential career advancement.

Since your name appeared on a job board in the last 5 years, or we bought an email list of job seekers we wanted to see if we could be the custodians of your resume and make a few grand by getting you to quit your job and start somewhere else.

We’ve been placing many of your Yahoo colleagues lately, and are currently working with many Yahoo employees on their passive job searches, both at the individual contributor level and Management/Director level.

We’ve placed two or more people from Yahoo at other jobs, can we count on you’re resume pulling in some big money too?

Based on these dynamics and the information we have gathered, it looks like the timing is looking better and better to get out of Yahoo! Even if Yahoo is trying to bribe you into staying with promotions, counteroffers, or severance packages, don’t be fooled. The smartest people will leave now. One example: we had a candidate making 160k at Yahoo that would have gotten a 1 year severance package if he stayed till after the Microsoft acquisition, but he still left and is happily placed at a much better company.

Consider this: Before the last round of layoffs, we were usually able to get Yahoo candidates significant pay raises and multiple offers. After the latest round, Yahoo candidates’ value has gone down because there are more of them available in the market and Yahoo has continued to lose respect in the industry. We foresee this trend continuing through the Microsoft Acquisition, when there will probably be another round of layoffs and voluntary departures of your colleagues.

It’s simultaneously getting better and better to leave Yahoo! while at the same time, it’s becoming not-so “better and better” to leave Yahoo! The market economy is confusing!

This all means that the sooner you move from Yahoo, the better off you’ll be.

Let’s face it. We want you to leave Yahoo! now. The sooner you leave, the sooner we can make bank by placing you elsewhere. If you stay elsewhere for at least a year, we make commission and then we can find you a new job.

Please contact me as soon as possible so we can show you some better alternatives with much hotter companies/jobs. When you email me, let me know what’s new since the last time we talked, and what type of opportunities you’d like us to get you. The job market is very hot right now!

I need to fill out the details on your record in my CRM software, that way the next time I contact you I can pretend to know intimate details about you.

Also, feel free to view my profile on LinkedIn, where you can read testimonials of people I’ve worked with (some from Yahoo), and verify that I am indeed well connected in the industry.

Finally a social network for recruiters.

I look forward to working with you

$

[Name Removed]
Manager, Sr. Technical Recruiter

I’m more than just a phone jockey, I’m a deal maker.

[Company Removed]
405 El Camino Real #356
Menlo Park, CA

We live on El Camino Real, you know, between the adult bookstore and the Indian buffet.